My husband and I have had a fun summer on our back deck. We live on the outskirts of a small town. It’s almost “in” the country, but close enough to civilization that we can get to the local grocery store in two minutes. This summer has been a lot cooler than recent years, so we have enjoyed swinging on our porch swing and just gazing up at the stars.
With a fun app, on our iPhone, we have been able to see many planets, star formations, a few satellites, and *maybe* a shooting star (that one is still up for debate)
As I have reflected on these times of star gazing, I’m reminded of three very important marriage lessons.
(1). The stars consistently show up every night in their right place
Our back porch faces south, so every night we are treated to the stars in the northern hemisphere facing south. We don’t see stars that only face north, or due west or east..just the south facing ones. In marriage, it is important to show up every single day for it. Marriage is not a job that can be taken off of when you’re bored with it. You simply have to show up and do what you are supposed to do on a daily basis.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin
Showing up daily means saying “I love you.”, doing the household chores, making meals for your family, working to financially provide, and saying “I’m sorry” when confusing times and arguments come.
Kay Gus, at Pure Couples, said it perfectly when she wrote:
It’s not easy to take the high road. Believe me, I know! It’s a constant battle between your pride and your conscience. But when you make that decision consistently, so many good things come from it. You become a better person, and your spouse will have no choice but to see the difference in the way you treat them.
The more you choose to be the better person and let your pride be abased, the stronger your marriage will be. No, this doesn’t mean you become a doormat with no personality or likes & dislikes. But it does mean that learning that you don’t always have to have the “last word” or be right all the time, and remember to choose others first instead of you — that will create a stronger marriage.
(2). The stars make their own light
While the moon and planets reflect the light of the sun, the stars generate their own light from the power that they create. In marriage, you have the ability to make your relationship shine! The more love you have for each other, the easier it is to show other people the positive benefits of marriage.
Intimacy is a great way to make your light shine even brighter. A couple who is happy with their intimate light has a definite glow about them. This can be seen as holding hands, hugging, kissing, romantic touching, and (of course!) sexual intimacy.In marriage, you have the ability to make your relationship shine! The more love you have for each other, the easier it is to show other people the positive benefits of marriage. #lifecoach #marriage Click To Tweet
(3). The stars can burn out, but you don’t have to
It has been said that some stars are so far away that they have burned out, but the light is still traveling to earth and can be seen. Your marriage can too burn out. The love can dwindle, harsh feelings can overtake you, unsolved arguments can create wedges, or your focus can simply be turned elsewhere.
For your marriage to continue to burn, both of you have to be committed to keep it together. It cannot just be the wife or the husband’s determination, but both of you. This will require good communication between the two of you, spending quality time together, and sharing from your heart.
I love this quote by John Thomas at Inspire Your Marriage
When your spouse feels like their needs, wants and desires are not being met, they usually have little desire to meet your needs, wants and desires. So the best way for you to get your needs met by your spouse is to look at what needs of theirs that you are not meeting. Ask yourself if your spouse is inspired to meet your needs. If the answer was no, you need to decide what you could do for them to provide that inspiration.
Sure, if we were perfect and lived in a perfect world, we would meet the needs of our spouse regardless of how we feel. But sadly, that rarely occurs. Men and women are both emotional creatures, and while women typically are considered to be more emotional than men, it is really important to remember that MEN HAVE EMOTIONAL NEEDS TOO!
Your husband’s needs can be having the respect of him and what he does. You can show this respect by thanking him for his hard work. Refusing to complain about him to your friends (and that includes social media too!). Praising him to others. Praying for him.
Men’s emotional needs also include intimacy. Yes, men want sexual intimacy in a marriage. Don’t make it a drudgery or think of it as something “I gotta do”, but this is a something you get to do! You get to please your husband sexually in ways that no other woman in the world is able to do. You can light up his world, allow him to feel special just by your touch, your kisses, the lingerie that you are wearing, and giving him the intimacy that he wants so much. This is your honor to share it with him!
So the next time you are outside on a beautiful evening, take a few moments and look up at the stars. You may see Orion’s belt. You might catch a glimpse of Jupiter. Or you may be reminded of positive ways you can make your marriage even stronger today. No telescope is required!