Friday 5thMarriage

5 Comforting Tips

5 Ways to Comfort

Times of grief and times of sadness come to us all.  Bad days at work. Rough days mothering. Anxious days awaiting results for medical tests, job reports, or even difficult conversations can take their toll on any relationship.

If your loved one is going through a difficult time, one often wonders, “What can I do?”   Here are 5 ways that you can comfort your spouse if they are having a bad day.

5 Ways to Comfort

Let them talk

  • Ask leading questions, “How are you feeling?” or “Would you like to talk about it?”
  • Simply listen to what they are saying.
  • Let the hurt one verbally express their feelings without judgment or arguing back.
  • Nod occasionally, verbalize words of understanding, so they know that you are actively listening

Use your words comfortingly

  • Send text messages or call them if you’re not able to be there physically
  • Let them know that you hear them and you care for them
  • Try not to say things like, “I understand what you’re feeling” unless you have walked that road

Offer help

  • Instead of asking, “What can I do?”, ask “Can I help do _____”
  • Ask if you can do simple tasks such as laundry, bathroom cleaning, grocery shopping or running errands.
  • Questions that inspire thought in the person, such as, asking them if they need to pay a bill or assistance to perform a task.

Give them the Gift of Freedom.

Some people need to physically get away for a little while or a few days.  This is especially true for people who are caretakers of others such as mothers of small children or long-term care providers who are always helping other people.

  • Offer to be the caregiver while your spouse goes to Starbucks alone
  • Allow them to go to their room, take a hot shower and be undisturbed for 1 hour or longer.
  • Go away for one or two days in a hotel and enjoy each other’s company


Let them feel your presence while respecting their boundaries of space

Some people are touchy-feeling and others aren’t.  Some like to cuddle, be wrapped in huge bear hugs…and others simply need the acknowledgment of your presence.  If you are unsure, just simply ask.

  • Give a hug
  • Sit with them
  • Hold them in a tender embrace for a longer period of time

In times of sadness, busyness, or even great grief, words often fail us.  No one knows what to say.  In fact, at those times, words are not needed.  Just your presence is.  Be with them in their comfort, and let them physically feel your love.




3 thoughts on “5 Comforting Tips

  1. Hi Johanna,

    I love these comforting tips.
    I have intuitively applied some of them in the past, they really worked like magic.

    I appreciate what you are doing here.
    Thanks for this post.

  2. Hi Johanna,
    You couldn’t have been more “on point” with your suggestions. In terms of grieving after the death of my husband, I couldn’t have told you my name correctly but just having people there with me made a huge difference and my sweet 8-year-old granddaughter never left my side for days.

    Thank you again for your great advice for anyone needing to comfort another person through a rough time.

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