There is a flurry of excitement in our home. Vacation is just a few weeks away. 23 days to be exact-according to the daily countdown that is called out. We are going to the Caribbean on vacation, and taking the kids with us. It is a mix of fall break and the long spring vacation that we did not take (and we’ve decided that we are never going to skip that spring break again. We have got to get away!!)
We love to cruise, and will be spending a week visiting the islands of Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel while cruising with Carnival Cruise Lines. This is our 8th cruise with them, and we really like the affordability and the family fun atmosphere (no, this isn’t a paid advertisement, this is our well-earned opinion)
Vacationing with kids is almost a conundrum. First of all, you want to vacate – i.e., to leave what you are used to, and enjoy a new environment. Secondly, you want to enjoy New foods. Activities, read a book that doesn’t have pictures on every.single.page. and maybe relax. BUT when you add kids to the mix, vacationing can turn into a virtual romantic nightmare. And it can seem that intimate times together are “off the calendar”.
If you’re not careful, a vacation can be all about the children and not about each other.
This thought should be carefully considered, if you’re not careful, a vacation can be all about the children and not about each other. Spending time with your family is important, but so is your spouse. Your spouse is the one who you said, “I do” to, and the one who worked hard to make this happen, and the one who so desperately needs attention too. As you vacation, Don’t ignore the most important people while on vacation. So here are 5 tips that Stephen and I have found for increasing intimacy while vacationing.
One: Plan to Be Intimate
With a chuckle, I remember the early vacations that we have taken. I am a planner by nature. Sometimes an impulsive planner, but a planner none-the-less. Vacation planning is one of my favorite things to do. I’ll scope out vacation spots, hotels, activities, transportation routes, food options, and anything else I can think of. But one vacation, I thought I had planned everything, but I hadn’t planned on paying for parking in Charleston, SC. And there was NOWHERE to park! We drove around forever trying to find the perfect spot, but it was a busy weekend and all the locations were taken. We were about to miss our trip to Fort Sumpter island, to see where the Civil War began, so we just pulled into a parking garage and decided we’d figure it out afterward.
Well, we had a great time visiting the island. The boat ride back and forth was fun and relaxing. Cool breezes and wind in my hair type of day (they’re my favorite). AND…then we got back to the parking garage only to discover they ONLY took cash.
We had to walk several blocks to use the ATM to pull out cash, which included the fee for using that ATM, to pay for parking. And we promised ourselves that never again would we NOT have cash secretly hidden away in the van to pay for parking.
I love this quote by Tolkien; it states the obvious and the reminder that dragons are out there and are ready to eat you. Sometimes dragons in our marriage are closer than we think, and without planning accordingly, those dragons eat away at our marriage.
When you take time to be intimate with your spouse on vacation, you are showing them that you love them AND they have priority to be “on the list”. Yeah, that list. The one that you have labored feverishly trying to plan the perfect vacation. So I encourage you, for the next vacation schedule a time that you and your spouse can spend time alone together. If all you get is twenty minutes while a child is napping or 30 minutes while the others are doing a craft project in the craft area, then spend it together. This is not the time to run away and peruse facebook, it is YOUR time to spend together.
Two: Bring Lingerie
I know, believe me, I know how much STUFF has to be packed for vacation. And it seems the tinier the kids are the MORE stuff has to be taken. I mean seriously, there is no such thing as packing too many diapers and wipes. 10 pairs of underwear for a 4 day trip is completely understandable. And shoes…must not forget the shoes. Even if its just short vacation trip, 5 pairs of shoes will hopefully be enough – nope, pack the extra comfy shoes just in case.
In a small corner of your suitcase, slip in something special. Lacey, smooth, satiny, and risqué. Yes, it needs to fit at least 3 of those criteria. Notice I didn’t say,
Wearing lingerie is important for both the husband AND the wife. For the wife, it is important to feel pretty. Sexy. Desirable. Adored. Admired.
I know how hard this is. After all the pregnancies, C-section scar, stretch marks – it feels that I will never be pretty and sexy again. But that is a lie. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The more I have learned to accept where I am right now (instead of hoping, wishing, and dieting for a body that will probably never happen), the happier I am wearing pretty lingerie. I’m (slowly) learning and practicing to find pieces that I feel ok in and make me feel like the beautiful person my husband tells me that I am.
For the husband, lingerie wearing is a personal preference. Some men like silk boxers others prefer to be naked. You know your husband better than anyone else, so if you decide to pack him something this is up to you. But, as most everyone knows, a husband LIKES TO SEE his wife in lingerie. And this is a good thing!
For your Christian husband, avoiding porn and scantily clad women is something he has to do ALL the time. Let his eyes have a break for once. Let him “SEE” you, and enjoy the feast for his eyes. Song of Solomon 4:7 sums it perfectly when it says, “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” Have you heard about eye candy? It’s NOT a sin when done correctly!!!! Let him have moments of eye candy with you. Not only will he enjoy this feast for his eyes, it will increase his love for you. Remember men are visually stimulated. As a wife, I want my husband to want to look at me and enjoy what he sees.
THREE: Utilize the Kids’ Programs
Please, please, please do it! If I could reach out to parents, and look them in the eye, hold their hand, and plead with them to learn this one very
I know I rarely talk about parenting on this blog, as it is more focused on marriage instead of parenting, but sometimes marriage and parenting do overlap. And this is one of those overlapping times.
Note: Please know, I realize some children are not able to be away from their parents. Reasons may include nursing babies, developmental issues, safety concerns etc. I am not referring to these situations.
As a mother of 4 children, I have struggled through times of crying, clingy children who were scared of new environments. Who didn’t want to go to classes or art projects without me. But I too have been the momma, who went in there for a few moments and got them settled down…and quietly left. My children are taught from an early age that Momma loves them, but Momma needs time to be alone as well.
Obviously, if this is never taught before vacation, it probably won’t go well on vacation. As you can, practice now to teach your children to be in safe places without you. Some ideas can be Library Story Hour, Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, Mom’s Night Out, Craft-times.
Four: Practice in Advance
It was a freezing cold January. Bitterly cold. 5 degrees was the outside temperature that we were greeted with. Snow was piled up, and while the roads were clear, the walkways were icy and treacherous.
In the hotel room that we were at, it was not cold. In fact, it was rather hot. Yep. really hot!
As a family with children, it means that when we travel on vacation our
So back to the dark room. It was about 7 am, I was slowly waking up. The kids were already VERY
To be able to pull off intimacy in crowded locations, without letting your children know what is going on, requires a lot of practice in advance. Oh sure, the Kama Sutra has countless positions for sex, but let’s be realistic. 95% of those are virtually impossible unless you practice them.
So if you have to practice sexual positions, that means you actually need to be intimate with your spouse before vacation arrives, so you can enjoy it on vacation.
Five: Darkness (and other locations) are Your Friend
This 5th point is not a play on the scripture verse of ‘men love darkness rather than light’, it is simply a very notable point. A husband and a wife can be intimate in the dark on vacation. *Hint* That means the children can’t see what is going on.
Obviously, you have to careful here. Intimacy in the dark can be difficult, and it also requires you to be quiet. But, as they say, necessity is the mother of invention! It’s kind of humorous to consider, that for hundreds of generations, couples have been intimate in the dark. If you were to search
Other fun locations are the back of your minivan (of course, once all the luggage has been dragged in), the shower, the toilet – with the lid down, a hot-tub, or a soft quilt under the stars. Yep. They are ALL excellent ideas and so much fun to explore together which ones that you like best on vacation.
Good things sometimes happen without planning, but GREAT vacations require advance planning – that includes intimacy and sex while on vacation.
Share with me in the comments some tips and tricks you have found that have worked while vacationing with children. You never know, you just might share something that makes fireworks happen for someone else!