Do I Know My Spouse?


A Tricky Question with a Hidden Meaning

Who knows you better than your momma or your spouse?  Probably, there are not many people alive who know you that well.

There’s an old saying, “What is good for the goose, is good for the gander.” In simple terms, what is good for one spouse is also good for the other spouse.  So consider this. How well do you know your spouse?

Knowing Someone

A quick glance at your facebook friend’s list (or Instagram) will quickly let you see how many people you “know”. Maybe you know 500 people or maybe you’re one of those who is sweating out the 5000 friend limit that Facebook imposes on people.  Or maybe you just have a few friends.  The question remains, how well do you know your friends. And better yet, how well do you know your spouse?

The more intimately you know someone, the better you can take love them and help them through difficult times. Click To Tweet

Levels of Friendship

-1. General knowledge. For most people, the large quantity of friends falls into this category.  You are socially acquainted with them; you may have common interests, work, social statuses (you’re a mom, they’re a mom, you both have kids etc).

-2. Close (but not too close) Knowlege – This level of friendship is closer than general knowledge, but you’re super close.  You may have each other over for a birthday dinner, be invited to a sales party at their house, and generally enjoy each other’s company.

-3. Best Friends – When considering your childhood and circle of friends, this is where most people have their closest relationship.  Secrets are shared, private jokes are laughed at, people invite their closest friends to hang out with them, go on vacations together.

-4 Deep Friendship – The closest relationship you can have with someone.  Typically this is the husband and wife relationship.

Know Loved

To Love Deeply is to Know Intimately

In the ancient times, the word “know” and “known” is not used in the general sense of knowledge.  But the knowledge is found the intimate, deep knowledge of a person.

So I go back to my original question.  How deeply, how well, or how much do you really “KNOW” your spouse?

  • What makes them happy?
  • What unsettles them?
  • How do they deal with sadness?
  • Do they like to be alone or with people during difficult times?
  • How do they “blow off steam?”
  • What is their dream in life to be?
  • If they could travel to one place, where would it be?
  • What love language do they respond to the best?
  • Do they accept touch or prefer no touch

It can be simple to answer these questions the longer you are with someone. But a word of caution, are you answering these from your assumed knowledge or do you really know the answer?

Read also: Are you Listening to Your Spouse? 

As a mother, I have struggled with this. My children are a reflection of me and my personality. Their likes are similar to mine, and yet, at times my children are completely different than me.  One child hates pineapple (I love it) and another loves sports (I can tolerate it, but I don’t “love” it). As a wife, it can be difficult to ascertain my likes from my husband’s likes.  We both like similar things, but we are still individuals.

Unless I talk to my husband and communicate to learn his answers, they could be very different than what I thought.

So I encourage you today. Start working through questions like these and make sure that you know your spouse on every level.

Read Also: An Intimate Cord

Intimate Cord of Love


What steps have you done in your marriage to get to know your spouse?  Is there a way that you have learned to get to know your spouse better?  Sound off in the comments; I’d love to hear from you!

5 thoughts on “Do I Know My Spouse?”

  1. Hi Johanna,
    Such a great post. Being a widow, I so wish I could tell you; “What steps have you done in your marriage to get to know your spouse?” but I can only dream and wonder.

    Tomorrow August 15th, we would have been married 10 years. Some people say that when a spouse dies you are not considered married any longer. I don’t agree with that. I still feel like I’m married, at least until I may meet someone but I’m not looking.

    Your posts, Johanna are so encouraging and great for couples. Keep up the loving advice and the role model you are being for your children.

  2. Such an important message in today’s busy world full of distractions and temptations. Time and paying attention–getting to know his/her parents’ relationship will show you what he/she might expect from marriage.

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