The 4 Lies of Marriage

lies in marriage

The Sneaky List You Probably Haven’t Realized Yet

No one wants to think of themselves as gullible. We all watch the magician do his tricks and try to see the hidden rope or secret chamber.  Seeing lies in our marriage, however, is much more difficult.  We change them, fluff them up, add some secret wishes and make them look pretty. But we’re never successful.  They are plain, nasty, filthy lies that are secretly destroying and hurting us.

lies in marriage

I can go to bed angry

While technically you can go to bed angry, it is not recommended at all!  Laying there trying to sleep allows you to ruminate on the issue. Over and over again it plays in your mind, and suddenly 3 hours have slipped by on the clock and you are left even angrier. Scripture comments about this fact in Ephesians when it says.

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath. Ephesians 4:26

Disagreements arise. Miscommunications occur (more frequently than most people want to admit). Misunderstanding happen. All through this, if you are angry with your spouse, deal with it now before you go to bed.  Even if you are separated by 500 miles while one is away on business, it is best to deal with the issue right now.  Doing this will ensure a better night of sleep for both of you and when you wake up in the morning, the situation will not have to be rehashed or brought up again.

I’m not good enough or I’m not strong enough…I’m not ENOUGH

Maybe you’re smart, pretty, and can bake a perfect chocolate cake. But deep down, do you accept where you are right now? Is what you do ever right or okay?

Contentment takes different forms for each person. For some, it is accepting the house they are living in right now versus the mansion they desire. Others struggle with being content with the clothes that are in their closet instead of the ones they see on the racks of their favorite stores.

If you look deeper down, you find an even harder issue of contentment. It is contentment with yourself and your abilities.  Are they ok now? I’m not talking about blind acceptance and never trying to do better; this is not a carte blanche to never study for the next test, never learn a new task, or stop exercising.

Let me turn it around. Does God look at me and think, well…I’d like her more if she would do _____________.  When I see it like that, it’s silly. Because I know that God loves me regardless of my actions.  His love does not change. Period.

If God’s love does not change. If God’s perception of me does not change, then why do I accept the lie that my perception of me changes based on my feelings??

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. Ephesians 1:3-6

The answer is this: Because deep down, I have not accepted Christ’s view of myself in its entirety. If I have called upon His name, then I am a child of His.  I am accepted into His family with full rights – just as a king adopting a son. He would immediately be a prince, and be able to rule over whatever the king allowed him to do.  The new prince doesn’t have sit there and worry that he’s not good enough to be a prince or that he’s not enough – he just has to accept his new role!

I don’t need to have a date night

I’m tired, there’s a soccer game at 4 pm, there are piano lessons to be attended, I need to vacuum the living room, my refrigerator needs repairs, the baby has a runny nose and cough, I’m breastfeeding, Babysitters are expensive. My favorite TV show is on tonight. I’m just too tired…  

In life, there are always more things to be done. The to-do list for most women is endless. Men are exhausted after long work weeks. Some people don’t get traditional “weekends” as work schedules can be demanding and mandatory overtime is enforced.

Regardless of your life’s schedules, making your marriage successful requires prioritization.  If you want it to last through the years, then you must invest time into it. Reading a book will not suffice. Planning a getaway 6 months in the future is not going to help you right now.  At a minimum, you need to spend one night a month with your spouse. Alone. Focused on each other. Talking & laughing. Sharing and letting the other person know that you care.

Related: 5 Preparations for a Wonderful Romantic Time

By doing this, you will create a strong marriage together. It cannot just be one person doing the marriage building, each of you must work together. And the best way to do that is a date night!

I don’t deserve this

Without realizing it, the most beautiful part of our marriage can be hindered by Satan’s lies. Our intimacy with our spouse reflects the deep intimacy that Christ wants to have with us.

My friend Chris Taylor recently wrote The Lie that Hurt My Marriage the Most and shared one of the most heartfelt, vulnerable, and honest posts I have ever read.  She summed it up best when she wrote

We have so many reasons . . . and so many of us have believed that these reasons disqualify us from deserving…

My sins made me believe that I didn’t deserve [this]. Even when I could see past the other lies to behold God’s truth, this sneaky lie interfered with my pursuit of what God had placed in front of me.

This lie hit me where I was most vulnerable…and therefore did the most damage. No matter how much of God’s truth I was seeking, this one lie made me believe that truth was out of my reach. It turned out that I never needed to forgive myself. I just needed to accept the forgiveness that God had already offered.

My friend, God’s truth IS for you.


God’s Truth Overrules All Lies

No matter which lie you are facing in your personal life or marriage, remember God’s truth is exactly what is needed to overcome these lies.  You don’t have to be defeated or stopped. You can be victorious in Him. Accept his forgiveness for what you have done wrong and believe His truth. By doing this, you see the truth of the lie that you were once believing.

4 thoughts on “The 4 Lies of Marriage”

  1. I think some of what you have mentioned here has a lot to do with self-esteem which is developed through positive life experiences, self acceptance, and choosing partners who are willing to share the challenges as well as sorting things out together, which makes for a stronger union. Thoughtful post

  2. I love how you said, “share the challenges.” because marriage can be a challenge in its difficult times. Being committed to the marriage and figuring out the solution has made our marriage better and stronger. Thanks for reading!

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