The Power of Talking

time vanish

Time Can Suddenly Vanish

It has been said that “love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage.”

time vanish

But that is where it can all break down. A good marriage is like an engine and a car. When it runs smoothly, you’re driving down the road of life and having a great time! The engine is love and the car is life.

However, just as a speed bump can jolt you. Or a rear-end collision can painfully thrust you places you didn’t want to go. Arguments and hurt feelings in a marriage have the same repercussion-like effect. One moment you are loving life and everything in it, and suddenly the warm-sweet feeling isn’t there anymore.

What are you going to do?

The way to fix all of this and return your marriage to normal? You have to talk.

I know I say this a lot here on GlowingStill, but talking is hard to do. Real talking and communication. For a marriage to thrive, there cannot be a time or place for any type of silent treatment for each other.

1. Talk when you’re happy

2. Talk when you’re upset

3. Talk when you want to share the day’s events

4. Put down your smartphone with Facebook, and talk to your spouse when you’re in the car

5. Talk to God about each other.

If you’re mad, then tell God about it. Does that sound weird? If you can talk to your best friend or vent to your Momma about an event, then you can definitely talk to God about what is going on.

Prayer is not just a list of Thee and Thous to be said. The Psalmist cried out to the Lord and poured his heart out. At times, he’s recorded saying some pretty rough things! He complains about friends who have betrayed him (Ps 55). He prays that his enemies to be killed(Ps 109). He begs God to protect him when spears are being thrown at him(Ps 59).

Prayer is an intimate form of communication with God. It is a time to share and pour your heart out to Him. He wants to hear you and your voice.

6. Talk when you’re making love.

Before you think that I’m crazy. Stop. I’m not.

I’m just a woman who has learned a few things in my life.  First of all, intimacy can last longer than just a few minutes.  It can last for an hour and a half…and the only reason you’re stopping is that it’s 12:45 am on a Sunday morning and you know that if you don’t quit now, you’ll never wake up on time and get to church.

For love-making times to last longer than the national average (5.4 minutes), you are going to have to do something besides just kiss.

And when you talk during love-making, your walls tend to be down emotionally. Let me explain.

Emotional walls are protective mechanisms that are in place to keep you from getting hurt. The hurt can be something mild as your loved one snapping at you. Unkind words. Hurt feelings. Remembering an argument that you’ve recently had.

Walls can also be distractions. A woman’s mind is rarely focused on one thing for an extended period of time. The laundry, shopping lists, dinner plans, what are the children doing?…and without realizing it the exciting intimate moment is gone from your head.  Yes, one moment you were enjoying the pleasures of marriage, and the next you’re worrying whether the chicken is thawed for dinner and if the missing library book has been found — sound familiar?

These thoughts become less rampant when you aren’t just kissing, but communicating and sharing. The protective walls stay down because you are talking through them.

What should we talk about?

5 times intimacy talk

  • Do you like this?
    • Just because you always do it, doesn’t mean you like it.  I’m not suggesting that you suddenly start talking dirty, I’m simply suggesting that YOU ASK if your spouse likes what you are doing. Is the position comfortable? Does it feel good to both of you? Could you tweak it with a different position and still like it
  • I would like to do _______
    • Like everything in life, intimacy can be like an old rut. The same thing that your driveway does since you make the exact 3-point turn in it every day pulling in and out of your garage.  If you have a suggestion in your sexual intimacy, this is a good time to suggest something different.
      • No. I’m not suggesting you watch porn together, plot a bank robbery, or do something that is illegal or sinful.
      • I am suggesting that if there is something like a very new position you’d like to try…A new location (enclosed porch, on the floor, in the shower etc) now is the time to talk about it.  You may never actually do it in one of these locations, but talking about it is fun (seriously, believe me on this one!)

Read Also: Why Intimacy is So Important

When gratitude dies on the altar of a man’s heart, that man is well-nigh hopeless.” — Bob Jones, Sr.

  • I appreciate you for these 4 (or more! Don’t stop at 1) things _______
    • This is a wonderful time to stop and appreciate each other. Show each other some verbal love and praise. Stop and say thank you.  Small or large things, it doesn’t matter.  Words like “thank you for working so hard in the hot sun today to bring home a paycheck to our family, that means a lot to me” or “thank you for cleaning the bathroom, I know it’s not your favorite chore to do, but I really appreciate it”
      • See?  There’s NOTHING technically intimate or romantic about saying thank you, but these words are 100% romantic AND intimate in their meanings when said lovingly.
  • Remember that time? Remember when we did ___________
    • Now, choose carefully on this one. This IS NOT THE TIME to bring up bad memories or times when arguments ensued.  This is the time to remember the good and sweet times.
    • Your first date, the time he cracked a hilarious joke, your first kiss and how it felt, a fun party you both attended.  Make the memory sweet and special.
  • You look amazing!
    • Yes!!  Compliments are still important!  And they are super, extra, really important in times of intimacy. This is such a vulnerable and exposing time. Its easy to focus on the baby fat, the stretch marks, the sagging skin, the lack of exercise, and forget that you are made in the image of a Holy God. If you are struggling with your image, could there be a slight chance that your spouse is too?
    • Men struggle with their appearance like women (their way of doing it may not look like a woman’s but they do struggle the same)
    • Take this time to give sincere and appreciative compliments about their appearance.

To sum it all up, a conversation can enhance intimacy. Kissing and foreplay are important (umm…really important). But just like flour is a crucial ingredient to bread, it’s not the only ingredient. There are many others like yeast, sugar, oil, and water that make the perfect loaf of bread.

So the next time, spice up your romantic times with your spouse with communication.  And you just might be surprised at the length of time you have enjoyed each other!

 

6 thoughts on “The Power of Talking”

  1. Talking is powerful if it is at the right time. Sometimes I saw people talk a lot and without thinking, which is not always good.
    I have a round table at home, this is where the family also comes together sometimes and talk about what matters.
    A benefit for all. After long years of living together sometimes a couple does not need to talk much. 🙂
    But these days it seems because of all the gadgets communication is missing, good you remind of the power of talking.
    Thank you
    Erika

  2. Hi Johanna,

    Indeed, we have to have a clear line of communication with our spouse and talking sometimes will be difficult. We have to agree not to yell and listen to the other person. In my past marriage I used a “talking stick” because my husband at that time had no listening skills. It did work when communicating with each other.

    -Donna

  3. Speaking to your spouse is a fun way to deepen bonds and also through which to work stuff out Johanna. I dig this post because all issues get solved through communication and clearing, and all marriages grow through bonding, through talking and hugging and connecting. We are blessed with the gift of speech; most of us are at least. Use the gift to tap into this awesome power.

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