The Stabilizing Force of Decision Making


Part 3 Series of Decision Making

Have you ever played on a seesaw? No, I mean seriously played on a seesaw? I’m not talking about the gentle up and down that tiny toddlers do, I’m talking about playing and quickly jumping off so the other person must either react or fall quickly to the ground?  Decision making is a lot like that. Gentle movements or surprising hard falls


One of the reasons, I love having a husband is his ability to see things differently than me.  He is my equalizer and balancer.

–He has clarity through emotions

–He can look at facts more easily than feelings

–Once he makes a decision, he doesn’t go back and wants to change it.

–Emotionally, he is stronger to make the hard decisions

–His decision is based on his emotional love for me


Clarity is the ability to see things without a cover. A fog. Confusion.  If you wear glasses, you will understand clarity very easily after your glasses are just cleaned. Suddenly, things are not blurry anymore. Sometimes when I’m surrounded by so many options, in the decision-making process, I need clarity.

If you can't see the forest because of the trees. You need clarity in decision-making #glowingstill #marriage #decision #golden Click To Tweet

Having clarity in your decision-making process is critical to making the right choice. Because you can see the issue at hand without being confused by extraneous factors.

Clarity can be found in the counsel of others.

When I have been really stuck in life, I have found this to be the most “interesting” point of all. You can get wise counsel comes from wise people.  You can get bad advice from people you thought were wise. No advice. More information than you want. Conflicting opinions, criticizing answers, emotional responses, and silence. I have found that asking too many people’s advice hurts me instead of helping. I now limit how many people I ask advice from when I’m facing difficult decisions.

One of my favorite authors, Bréne Brown, does this very thing as well. She has a 1-inch by 1-inch piece of paper with the names of people that she relies upon for counsel, advice, and criticism. These people are the ones, “who love you, not in spite of, but because of your vulnerabilities and imperfections.” 

balance in marriage

Balance and Stabilizing

Whether you are adding salt and pepper, peanut butter and jelly, sweet and sour, or salty and chocolate (my favorite), each of the ingredients balances out the other.

I love the word picture of stabilizing. It conjures up thoughts of supporting beams, protective walls, a firm stableness. In marriage, this is so helpful because each other are using their strengths to help the other out. Balance can be brought to a marriage through stabilizing each other by utilizing these things:

  1. Listening to each other
  2. Offering advice only if asked
  3. Answer in love, but honestly and truthfully
  4. Remind the other, that you are “TOGETHER” in this decision
  5. Back the decision that is made
  6. Say I love you!

Consulting each other, to talk through the problem, is very helpful to each spouse. As you talk through problems, the more you can listen to each other, the more that each person feels heard.  Sometimes, the decision is so clear it is obvious what will be done, but unless the person knows that they are loved and heard, they can feel left out and alone in the process.

It is important to remember this important tidbit:

Since its purpose is to find a solution, consultation should not be used just to gain sympathy or to dump on someone. It’s not consultation when talking degenerates into a gripe session or gossip or complaining. These activities merely rehash the problem, making it worse. Rather than letting the anger out, this sort of dwelling on the unpleasant things of life causes delay, magnifies the hurt, and interferes with long-term healing. … In consultation, the intensity of suffering is diluted while the solution is developing. (Developing Genius, p. 201) John Kolstoe

Most couples will have times that they face difficult decisions. The more you can lean on each other, the “easier” they can be. No, they won’t be easy-peasy, but they can be made bearable by leaning on each other through finding clarity and balance.

Read also: Previous articles on Decision Making Part 1 HERE or Part 2 HERE

How do you make decisions in your marriage? What balances do you and your spouse have that even each other out? How do you lean on each other during difficult times?

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